I was expecting God to work in my life, while sadly my pursuit of Him fell to the backburner. I found it so easy to get angry about what was going on around me, but what made me think I deserve anything more than what I have been given.
Just the other day I was having a conversation with my mom about why my already nappy hair has been extra nappy lately. I was going on and on about how hard it has been to brush it; even though I haven’t changed anything that I have been doing to it. She asked me if I had changed my diet lately, a little irritated and somewhat confused I said yes. With being home from school, my diet naturally changed, she very simply responded in a typical mom fashion, “Well, your diet changes everything.”
My diet changes everything.
I began to think about this on a deeper level. And began to think about how I have been feeling lately. How I have been more irritable, and angry. Less excited about everything. Like I am wasting my time no matter what I am doing. As if I am missing out on something everyone else seems to have. Ten steps behind in every area of my life. And I began to think about what had changed recently.
I’ll tell you what changed. My diet changed. I stopped feeding my soul the way I did a month ago. I quit pursuing God in every aspect of my life. I began focusing on what I could do next. Where I could go. Who I needed to see. And stopped challenging myself the way I was.
I have been expecting God to work miracles. I have been expecting Him to do things for me and have been asking him why He has been letting me feel the way I am. But what have I given to Him? Nothing.
I quit passionately pursuing Him, and I don’t know why.
I began to let in a terrible monster that tried to destroy everything that had been built in my heart. A monster I never knew I was letting in. A monster that came to steal my joy. To kill every ounce of faith I had. And to destroy the peace placed in my heart.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” John 10:10a
So what do I do now? Where do I go from here?
Down. Down on my knees and I look up at my God that loves me. That never stops loving me. I turn back around and begin to pick up the pieces that I have never had to carry alone. I begin my passionate pursuit again.
I wish I could say that I will never quit again, but I am not perfect and that is okay. I will tell you this, what you feed your soul will change your life. Your diet changes everything.